Valley Dweller

The past three weeks or so, I have been in a funk. I'm not talking about the ho-hum, mwa-mwa, eore kind of funk. I'm talking the "put your behind in the naughty chair" kind of funk. Irritable. Feisty. Moody. Just a plain old boob who's been nothing but a bully. Now before you start to think that maybe it's just a girl thing, let me reassure you, it's not. This was much deeper. Deeper because it involved my spiritual well being.

I hate it when that happens! Why can't it just be circumstantial? Why does it have to involve me having to learn a lesson? I think of my daughter as I wrote that last statement. There are times when, exasperated, I sigh and with every ounce of restraint, cock my head and ask, "WHY, Ava? Mommy JUST told you NOT to do that." Not to mention that I told her ump-teen gillion other times, mind you. And yet here I am... wonderging if God, exasperated, is cocking his head and asking me, "WHY, Jen? When I just told you..." I've wanted to change. I've deperately prayed the most simple of prayers because that's all I had in me to just say, "Help me, Lord. Help me. Change me, Lord. Change me." Feeling the weight of defeat lately, my prayers had finally been answered and I think I finally had a break through, and it was oh SO simple.

I was on South Hill Thursday. I had just left my Aunt and Ava at the mall where we got Santa pictures taken. Before we left, it was foggy and frigid. As I was leaving the mall, I reached for my sun glasses because the sun was absolutely blinding. It was warm. I actually stopped in the parking lot for a minute and just stood there to take in those rays. They felt so good. I got in my warm car and took a deep breath... followed by a content sigh. I started for home. As I was making my way down the hill, I noticed this amazing sight. From the hill, the vantage point is beautiful, overlooking the entire valley and beyond. On this particular day though, the fog had swallowed up most visibility of the area and just hovered over the valley like a gloomy blanket. I wanted to turn around. I didn't want to go down that hill. I just left that foggy funk and I feared if I entered it again, it would swallow me whole. And then He spoke to me...

And it surprised me. It wasn't as I imagined how it would be with his head cocked and disapointed tone. No. It was one of reasurance and hope. He told me to take that warmth and wonderfully bright sun that made me want to sigh, back down into that valley. That though it was nice to be up on this mountain (of sorts) there comes a time when you inevitably have to return to the valley. That's where I'm meant to live. And just like that, it was gone. The weight. It was completely gone. I was excited for my day again. I was smiling again. The littlest things weren't setting me off anymore. Matt and Ava noticed the difference and believe me when I say... I noticed a difference in them (poor things)!

I realized that even though there might be a fog over me... fog doesn't weigh much! It's not heavy. It's not thick. It doesn't hurt. It can't crush me. It just hinders my sight a little. That's all. Nothing more. Nothing less. That's why you go out and do your thing during the day and if you need to go out at night... well... then... that's what high beams are for!

So with a renewed hope and clear perspective (oh it's still foggy outside mind you... but my vision is crystal)... I eagerly send this out into the world hoping it might encourage someone who may have felt the same way. And you don't have to tell me who you are... I know you're out there. Be encouraged.